There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
