dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
