All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
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I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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