Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
