i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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