whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
