I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
