Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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