I am full of burrito and curiosity
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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