im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
