She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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