"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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