Will you blow on my dice?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
