Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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