in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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