We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
