you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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