This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
