SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
