see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
