apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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