We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
