her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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