Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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