I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
