dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
