if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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