My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
