She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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