Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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