I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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