I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
