I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
