so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We just shotgunned beers for America
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
