I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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