we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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