if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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