think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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