In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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