Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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