saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
