you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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