don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
