the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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