I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
