My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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