this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
