the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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