Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
