You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
