Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
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