Three words: puerto rican gang bang
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
zippers are such a cool invention
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
