Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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