420 ftw
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
