Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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