Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
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He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
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I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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