So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
