Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
You just made me feel so damn special
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
