Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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