girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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