On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
