go do what you do best...puke behind churches
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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