I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
