I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
