He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
