Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
