Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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