wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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