Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize