covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
