I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just had sex on a roof
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
