at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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