I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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